The decision to set boundaries with my abusive parents didn’t have anything to do with whether or not I forgave them. Out of a distorted view of boundaries, some people assumed that I had to be bitter or have hatred toward my parents to cut off my relationship with them. That’s not true. It didn’t have anything to do with my feelings toward my parents; it had to do with my love for myself. Christina Enevoldsen
Thank you Christina. While I was in recovery from a serious drug addiction (a symptom of my abuse) my mother was very hard on me. I was trying to salvage our very damaged relationship but she was not there yet. I’d hang up the phone after a conversation with her in tears and feeling like I wanted to get high again. My very wise sponsor suggested I distance myself from her until I was stronger, she told me I needed to be selfish and take care of myself before I hurt myself. I didn’t want to go back to the pain of addiction so I would write my mom letters or short notes, send her a card acknowledging her birthday, mother’s day and other holidays, not expecting anything in return from her. I felt I was doing something, it was all I could do and I felt good about myself. If she wanted to live out her life being hateful so be it, I didn’t have to be like her. Eventually my kindness brought her around and we had the best relationship that we could until she died. I’m at peace.