Relationships

“Survivors often find it hard to trust other people and lack friendships and close relationships. Survivors sometimes feel that the only people they can trust and love completely are their own children and are very anxious not to jeopardize these relationships. They may be fearful of making demands, saying “No” to them, or putting any limits on what they can do, in case they lose their children’s love.” Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse by Carolyn Ainscough & Kay Toon

This is amazing I just came to this realization recently; my son had become life, the love of my life, the only human being and love I completely trusted. I felt totally safe loving him and with his love, it was unconditional, it didn’t hurt or judge, it never left me.  I let that love be “enough” for me and left no room for anyone else.  Now my son is almost 20 years old, has left the nest to start his adult life and I thought I would die.  I felt terribly lonely and sad, would have anxiety attacks, I felt like I lost my life support. Some say this is normal and I agree but I was a little overboard.

I can’t tell you how great it is to see that for me as an abuse survivor it is normal and that I can do something about it.

 

Self Blame No More #5

Not being allowed to express my own rage, sadness, or fear I didn’t fully heal and I’ve gone through life wearing my little girl wounds like a tattoo. The dictionary describes a “wound” as an injury in which the skin is broken it also uses the description “mental hurt”.  “Scar” is described as a mark where a wound has been healed. I have several scars on my body from falling off of a bike, burning myself on an oven etc. These scars started out broken, painful & bloody wounds but with cleansing & the proper medication to avoid infection over time they closed up and healed.  The same is true of our emotional wounds, God is the cleansing balm, the medication for our anger, bitterness, depression, and anxiety only He can truly comfort and heal our wounded hearts. He weeps for our pain and wants to mend our injuries and fix our brokenness. God can fill the empty void and restore what man has taken away.

For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds”, says the LORD Jeremiah 30:17.

Yet Now Be Strong

I went to Church today and was so encouraged by sermon preached and am compelled to share with you hoping you will be inspired.

The title:  Yet Now Be Strong; in spite of everything, in the midst of a bad situation, the worst will not consume you.  Why?  Because God is with you! He is not in agreement with your negative situation, He’s on your side and has your world in His hands.  His strength gives you the ability to overcome so do not fear.   Do yo know what “fear” is?:  False Evidence Appearing Real.  God is not a man, He does not and cannot lie.  What was meant for your evil and harm He turns to good.  He will give you peace in the  midst of.  Amen, meaning it is done.

Resilience in the face of adversity

Resilience in the face of adversity

Cleveland kidnapped women move from Victims to Survivors.

Resilience: Build skills to endure hardship

Resilience means being able to adapt to life’s misfortunes and setbacks. Test your resilience level and get tips to build your own resilience.

By Mayo Clinic staff

When something goes wrong, do you tend to bounce back or fall apart?

When you have resilience, you harness inner strength that helps you rebound from a setback or challenge, such as a job loss, an illness, a disaster or the death of a loved one. If you lack resilience, you might dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse.

Resilience won’t make your problems go away — but resilience can give you the ability to see past them, find enjoyment in life and better handle stress. If you aren’t as resilient as you’d like to be, you can develop skills to become more resilient.

Resilience means adapting to adversity

Resilience is the ability to roll with the punches. When stress, adversity or trauma strikes, you still experience anger, grief and pain, but you’re able to keep functioning — both physically and psychologically. Resilience isn’t about toughing it out, being stoic or going it alone. In fact, being able to reach out to others for support is a key component of being resilient.

Resilience and mental health

Resilience offers protection from various mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Resilience can also help offset factors that increase the risk of mental health conditions, such as lack of social support, being bullied or previous trauma. If you have an existing mental health condition, being resilient can improve your ability to cope.

Tips to improve your resilience

If you’d like to become more resilient, consider these tips:

  • Get connected. Building strong, positive relationships with loved ones and friends can provide you with needed support and acceptance in both good times and bad. Establish other important connections by doing volunteer work, getting involved in your community, or joining a faith or spiritual community.
  • Make every day meaningful. Do something that gives you a sense of accomplishment and purpose every day. Set goals to help you look toward the future with meaning.
  • Learn from experience. Think back on how you’ve coped with hardships in the past. Consider the skills and strategies that helped you through rough times. You might even write about past experiences in a journal to help you identify both positive and negative behavior patterns — and guide your behavior in the future.
  • Remain hopeful. You can’t change what’s happened in the past, but you can always look toward the future. Accepting and even anticipating change makes it easier to adapt and view new challenges with less anxiety.
  • Take care of yourself. Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. Participate in activities and hobbies you enjoy. Include physical activity in your daily routine. Get plenty of sleep. Eat a healthy diet. To restore an inner sense of peace or calm, practice stress management and relaxation techniques, such as yoga, meditation, guided imagery, deep breathing or prayer.
  • Be proactive. Don’t ignore your problems or try to wish them away. Instead, figure out what needs to be done, make a plan and take action. Although it can take time to recover from a major setback, traumatic event or loss, know that your situation can improve if you actively work at it.

When to seek professional advice

Becoming more resilient takes time and practice. If you don’t feel you’re making progress — or you don’t know where to start — consider talking to a mental health provider. With guidance, you can improve your resiliency and mental well-being.

Favourites Friday #7: Speak – Laurie Halse Anderson

Need I say more

Lipsyy Lost & Found

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The first ten lies they tell you in high school. “Speak up for yourself–we want to know what you have to say.” From the first moment of her freshman year at Merryweather High, Melinda knows this is a big fat lie, part of the nonsense of high school. She is friendless, outcast, because she busted an end-of-summer party by calling the cops, so now nobody will talk to her, let alone listen to her. As time passes, she becomes increasingly isolated and practically stops talking altogether. Only her art class offers any solace, and it is through her work on an art project that she is finally able to face what really happened at that terrible party.

In Laurie Halse Anderson’s powerful novel, an utterly believable heroine with a bitterly ironic voice delivers a blow to the hypocritical world of high school. She speaks for many a disenfranchised teenager while…

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Are you a survivor?

I looked up “survivor” in the dictionary and out of the several meanings this one struck me the most: a person who continues to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship, or setbacks.

The fact that I have lived to this day in time in spite of molestation, rape, blame, shame, drug addiction, and insanity, makes me a survivor.  I shoulda, coulda been dead by now and honestly if you asked me 30 years ago I would have told you that I will not live much longer.  I tried many times and ways to kill myself yet, here I am.  I keep getting up, putting one foot in front of the other and make my way through this life as a survivor.

How do I survive?  My God, love, hope and people.

How do you survive?

There are Angels

I was lucky the first time, I had an Angel who loved me.

Then we heard her, my mother coming down the hall calling out my name. She said that it was like someone told her to wake up and she instinctively knew that I needed her, if you are a mother you understand.  When my mom came in the room the first thing she saw was me sitting there crying, she asked me what was wrong but I was too afraid to say. She spotted my cousin’s shadow on the wall near my night light he ran past her and tried to run down the stairs but she caught him and nearly beat him to death as he cried, begging and pleading for her to stop saying he was sorry. I stood by and watched in shock, devastated by the events of the night.

When it was all said and dome my mother cradled me in her arms and we cried together and she asked me what he did to me, was I hurt or bleeding and I answered her as best I could clinging to her for dear life. I didn’t fully comprehend all of what took place that night but what I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was that I could trust in my mother’s love and protection.